I first fucked a married woman whilst I was still in school. If her husband didn’t know that, when the mood took her, she was enthusiastic and keen to experiment, he was possibly the only man in the village. If I had to guess, he probably did know. Some people nowadays would call him a cuckold. So far as I know, they didn’t give it a name or have a great debate about it – they just got on with it, as she did, and for that I was, at the time, generally grateful.
I also suspected that many of the married men who were part of the local gay scene had wives who knew, or suspected, what their husbands were up to. The fact that those men were, in practice, bisexual, was at very least unspoken. Or to put it another way, a cock in the mouth tastes the same no matter what you call it, and no-one felt the need to go looking for a label.
The other day, in the comments on the excellent Alisande interview with Jem and yours truly on XOJane someone asked Jem if she had a polyamorous relationship with her significant other.
I don’t know the answer to that. If their relationship is polyamorous, I’m not privy to it. I may be a little pedantic, but polyamory seems to me to be about having many loves. One of our boundaries involves love.
Jemima and I don’t do romantic love. We do sex. great, wonderful, shaking at the knees forgetting to breathe sex. That we both view the world with love, affection and optimism is not about our relationship, but is a spiritual and political outlook that makes us more congruent as people. That congruence makes the friendship that goes with our relationship easier to sustain, but, to paraphrase Tina Turner, what’s love got to do with it?
If you go to church fetes or jumble sales round here, you’ll see that amongst the tombolas and the slightly sad eyed ladies with books of raffle tickets there’ll be be a huge teddy bear; for a £1 a go you get to guess his name you can claim him. (He’s always male…)
I sometimes feel as if sexuality and sexual politics is a great big game where, if you can name something you can claim it as yours to define. And all I can say is ‘It’s just a hobby guys…’